Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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