found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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