I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
