So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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