I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
