this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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