I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
