Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We don't watch enough power rangers
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
