Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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