Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
