So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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