I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
