Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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