Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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