Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
