i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
