I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
