He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It was confusing and full of hummus
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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