i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
