You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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