I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
