I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
