i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
