doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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