Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
