I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
