I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
