I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
