Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
