All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You are the jesus of drinking
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
