I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
