Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
