pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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