the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
