i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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