we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
