I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
