Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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