my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
