Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
