I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
