Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
