Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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