My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
