Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
