dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
