a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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