I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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