Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
