I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
